When Benny and his friend herd the sirens they headed for the hills going far with no food or weapons but only a tooth pick, string, jet ski. they headed off to make another run away, police not to far behind, running then Benny hid in a bush and pulled his friend in the bush too, the police with a stun gun and some food and a forest ranger, with three dogs, three cages and five men, Sargent " alright men we have to catch these people because we don't know if there are dangerous or not so has everyone got there stuff, YES SIR! good now we can get moving everyone get a partner, one will go with the forest ranger." so they went on the man hunt, meanwhile at Benny's house.... Benny's mother " SON, SON, COME AND GET YOUR DINNER! where is he? he normally comes racing into the kitchen, hmm mm maybe hes at the beach still, ill ring him, that's right he left his phone here, where is he?" back at the forest... Benny "are they gone?" his friend " how am I suppose to know why did you do pull a stunt like that any way?" Benny "well your always the rescuer now I wanted to be the rescuer." his friend "sorry I thought I recognised him. like my cousin or something like that."
By David
Friday, 27 July 2018
1 comment:
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Cool writing David. You were working very hard on this in class. I like how at the end the dialogue between Benny and his friend ties into Benny still wanting to be the rescuer. That really tied all of the action together.
ReplyDeleteA suggestion would be to go back and read your work quietly outloud to your self. Where you naturally pause, that's where a full stop needs to go. That would help to bring your writing up to Year 8 quality.
- Miss Birtch